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The Paradise Falls Chronicle is a proud affiliate member of the Central-Northern Ontario Independent Press Association.

Please address all correspondence and letters to the editor: Norman E. Wood, Editor-In-Chief.

 

Serving Paradise Falls, Fenmore, and the surrounding area.

Bug Man Smooshed in Hit and Run

By Woodrow von Hammer
Paradise Falls Chronicle Staff

Orillia insect expert Tyrone Fox was killed in a disturbing late night hit and run accident.

Fox was collecting fireflies on Rural Road 3 outside Paradise Falls near midnight when an unidentified motorist struck him, killing him instantly.

No witnesses exist, except for a friend of Fox’s who was nearby, Rose Bernini. She claims to have heard loud music playing from the vehicle before hearing the sickening thud of “car striking man”.

Paradise Falls Municipal Police released a statement concerning the incident. However, a clerical error resulted in the statement being exactly the same as the one issued last week concerning the child’s skeleton found on the grave of Matthew Gumm. That aside, the essential detail of the two cases remain the same: the authorities have no idea who did it.

Given the rate-of-death of local residents, earlier estimates concerning the length of time remaining before Paradise Falls no longer has any living residents have been revised from the year 2070 to 2055. PFC

In Other News

Paradise Falls Turns Hollywood North

Local Boy Arrested For Dope Possession

Ladies Auxiliary Bake Sale Comes Up Short


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